This has been a difficult summer for me. I lost my best friend, husband and companion of 41 years recently due to a short illness. For several years we had been talking about change. We needed to downsize and find a house that was easier to take care of. Unfortunately, he left before we could accomplish that goal together.
Through the years we have gone through changes in stages. Used to be, when we first moved to our current home, we could go all day to time for bed. Fixing, painting, doing yardwork. At that time, I had a huge herb garden. It took a lot of work. But it was so beautiful. And all the plants I grew helped me to get acquainted with the varieties of herbs and learn what each plant could and could not do. It was so fun to do all the crafting and mixing. I loved the lambs' ears and creating the soft silvery wreaths with those leaves, and my lovage was so delicious in soups and stews. My lovage plant grew well over six-foot tall one summer! Meantime, my husband raised cattle, cut the field and lawn and every year filled the hayloft in the barn to the rafters with hay for the cows so they could eat their fill in the winter.
Slowly, the years unwound. My husband suffered some health issues and retired. We sold the cows and tore down the fence. Then I was diagnosed with several autoimmune disorders that took my strength. I had to retire too. Suddenly, I couldn't take care of all the weeding and care a huge herb garden takes. We had to tear it out. It was heart wrenching, but I had three very sick years until I could find out what was going on with me and get on the right medication to keep the symptoms in check. We both learned to pace ourselves. And we discovered that we didn't have to forgo all our interests. My husband turned to caring for the chickens more, paying attention to them, watching them, helping me to clean the coop and keeping them topped up with food and water. And for me, give up herbs? Never! This time in my life I learned that I could grow some herbs in my flower beds, use raised gardens and huge pots on the deck. Not the same, but not bad. Still, the years were weighing on hubby and me. We knew it was getting close to time when we would have to make a huge major change. He dragged his feet, but it was coming.
So with the loss of my husband, my life changes again. I'm selling my place because it is way too big for me. And I'm buying a cute little cottage in a small town. It was a relief to decide to do that. The yard is so much smaller. But I will still have my pots and raised bed and flower beds filled with my herbs---within reason.
This may be the time of my life when I delve deep into herbal and plant studies. I welcome that. I've been so busy with hard work over the years that I haven't been able to spend that time to do deep studies. I'll also be able to focus on my writing and perhaps finally write that fiction book that I've been thinking about. That's the thing about change. It's a little uncomfortable, stresses us out a bit. But in the end, if we keep focused, it can turn into a wonderful road. Yes, I'll miss my hubby terribly, but I think he will be looking over my shoulder. That thought gives me comfort. And I think he would approve of my decision. After all, all of life is about change. We really can't escape it. We just have to make the best of the situation we find ourselves in. Sometimes, that's all we can do.
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